Below are the most recent 7 friends' journal entries.

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
suicidal_d3vil	7:56p	Breath - Breaking Benjamin Instructions: 1. Put your iPod on shuffle 2. Press "Next" for each question 3. Use the title of the song to answer the question 4. No cheating 1. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Your Smile - The Grace 2. WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE? Why - M2M 3. WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY THINK OF YOU? Bad Boy - Son Dambi 4. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Luv U - Battle 5. WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU? Fall - Ina 6. WHAT DO YOUR EXES THINK OF YOU? Girls Don't Know - FT Island 7.HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE? Memory - Younha 8. HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE? Someday - Magic D 9. WILL YOU GET MARRIED? Darkness Eyes - DBSK 10. WILL YOU HAVE KIDS? Little Turtle - Nicholas Teo 11. ARE YOU GOOD AT SCHOOL? Love Story - Taylor Swift 12. WILL YOU BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE? 8282 - Davichi 13. WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? The Love Bug - BoA 14. WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Lachata - F(x) 15. THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE: Time after Time (Remix) 16. YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE: Love Virus - E Ji Ah 17. HAPPY TIMES: Mistery - B2ST 18. SAD TIMES: Starstruck - Lady Gaga ft. Flo Rida 19. EVERY DAY: Tourniquet - Evanescence 20. FOR TOMORROW: Wedding Dress - TaeYang 21. FOR YOU: Gone - MBLAQ's Thunder 22. WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME? Autumn Moon over the Calm Lake 23. WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD? Because of You - Afterschool 24. WHAT DO I THINK WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING? Wipe the Tears - AJ 25. WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING? Tell Me - Wonder Girls 26. WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER? Crash 'n' Burn - Savage Garden 27. YOUR FAVOURITE SAYING? All the Way North - Jay Chou 28. FAVOURITE PLACE? Circus - Britney Spears 29. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Fight for Love - Elliot Yamin 30. DESCRIBE YOURSELF? Heartbreaker - G-dragon 31. WHAT DO I LIKE DOING MOST? Ping - Clazziquai 32. SONG THAT DESCRIBES MY SCHOOL PRINCIPAL: Whatcha Say - Jason DeRulo 33. WHAT IS MY STATE OF MIND AT THE MOMENT? Passion - Hikaru Utada 34. HOW WILL I DIE? Love's Shadow - Lee Seung Gi 35. THE SONG THAT YOU'LL PUT AS THE TITLE? Breath - Breaking Benjamin Current Mood: happy Current Music: Ping - Clazziquai (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 5th, 2009
lamondeenblanc	5:36p	the stream of conciousness continues Anyways, I've been thinking about shit. I've decided that I'm overall a pretty happy person. I like it this way. mainly because I make the concious desicion to be happy, that I've decided that I don't have to dwell on the little things in life that aren't great, and if things are bad, not to obsess, but rather allow myself to be sad for a while, and then perk up. In addition, I try not to unload my shit on other people, and instead work on having healthy honest relationships. Its all good. but I also realise that I've never had anything particularly bad happen to me. perhaps my general optimism (and also feelings of invincibility) is, to some degree, influenced by the fact that I've had an almost unnaturally stable life. Yes, I've had family member die, but not ones that I was particularly close to. My parents are happily married, and we might not be rich, but we're stable. I've never had any mental trauma, never been abused, never had to spend more then one night at a hospital....sometime I doubt I have the right to get frustrated with my life. THe only things I can think of that might be considered crappy are moving away from kenya between ninth and tenth grade (which really did suck, but I came out of it for the better) and the fact that I'm bi, but so far that hasn't really affected my life in any profound ways, either good or bad. Now I sound like I'm complaining cuz I have a good life. :P and yes, I also feel somewhat indestructible, although that feeling has been waning slightly. It might have something to do with almost getting busted for flicking, and a few stupid things that i/friends have done while sloshed. I think goals for next semester are going to include diminishing untrue feelings of invincibility. other goals are) -drink less/have more control when drinking -stop thinking of myself as a hookup sort of girl - tell my parents that I like girls - get a better job (if possible) - fix sleep schedule -do something theatre related (hopefully acting but who knows) - be more in control of klepo tendencies - all of that crap about doing well in school. - try to be more emotionally available to friends etc etc. Idk. Then again, I've decided life is not about having a checklist. the true secret of life is this: there is no secret. you wake up every morning, and you do what you need to do, and after that you do what you want to do. you give it your best to do well by others. Essentially, live each day so that you can sleep peacefully that night. thats all that really matters Current Mood: indifferent (Comment on this)
lamondeenblanc	3:57p	Just a spoonful of peanut butter: on my first semester at college Bookends. my first weekend of college, I got lost while going to a party with my roommate, who, at that point, was my best friend on campus. As of now, she is moving out to live with a friend, and we barely have a relationship. anyways, we had a mooched beer each and ended up leaving after less then an hour. since then, however, I have been to a pretty good amount of parties, and have drunk/smoked outside of them on several occasions. let me be the first one to proclaim I've done some stupid shit. I've said quite a few things I didn't mean, and several things I mean with all my heart but I really shouldn't have said. I've hooked up with people, gotten mad at people, and seen my friends spend the night in the ER perhaps my biggest learning curve this semester has nothing to do with time management (ok, my sleep schedule needs work....) or any of my classes, or living by myself (for pete's sake is it really THAT hard to remember to do your own laundry?). I think the better lessons I've learned are mostly about not being an idiot around alcohol. So to that note I'm proud to announce that yesterday, on the last weekend of the semester, I went to a party, and this time, I got utterly crunk, and stayed completely behaved. I was offered a hook up with a boy who goes to school out of state. I refused. I cut myself off on the third beer (note that I had had wine as well earlier, in copious amounts) and I certainly didn't send any text messages to guys I liked telling them exactly that. Reading my text messages this morning, I was able to laugh at myself, not cringe at my own stupidity. So go clare. I used to think (back in the days as a high school underclassman) that once you took a sip of beer or a puff of pot you were condemning yourself to a lifetime of alcoholism and drug dependency. True, this happens to some people, but I've realised that you can learn to do stuff like this in moderation. that there really isn't anything wrong with being drunk or being high, as long as its something you do on weekends to relax, and not something you do in the middle of the week because you can't deal with your life unless you aren't sober. I'm definitely not to the point where I can manage alcohol easily, but I'm getting there. everyone needs to experiment a bit before they understand drugs and alcohol well enough to be responsible. So thats one of my goals for the rest of the year. anyways, the other big thing is learning about adult relationships, what appropriate, whats not, learning to apologize, mediate, and pick your fights. or maybe coming to terms with being bisexual, or dealing with the dissappointments of having chronic singlitis. I guess I feel like I've grown up quite a bit this semester. Although I'll look forward to goign back home in a week, seeing my high school friends, letting my parents take care of me for a little while, sleeping in a real bed, and eating real food. but I know now thats not permanent. I don't want it to be. I feel like I have a fuckton more to say, so I'll probably continue this later...but right now I'm hungry as fuck, since all I've had to eat today is peanut butter and a few fruit loops, so yeah...dinner times..... Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Friday, December 4th, 2009
suicidal_d3vil	10:57p	"Save Me From Drowning In My Own Blood" My head is whirling. A sharp realization hit me. In this cold isolated world, I'm the only one who's alone. No matter how hard I try, there's only me. What's the point of living a fairytale when the results are only going to sadden you. There's me. Only me. I drowned in my own blood. I hid under my own mask. I protected myself with lies. I'm unable to breathe. Every tear I shed is worthless, yet it calms the discomfort in my chest. There's no one in this world that understands me. Despite all my efforts, I will always be the stranger. Save.... me. Posted via LiveJournal.app. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
suicidal_d3vil	5:36p	So, I wrote a song in my tumblr called Prince and it's kinda lame. Really cheesy and embarassing. LOLS   It was inspired by this conversation with me and JT -- and yes, we have a strictly in person relationship (nothing on the computer because both our parents thinks that it's kinda lame to have an online boyfriend, but his parents encourage him to date. Well... When I met him, he was like Mark Liu! Like, unbelievably quiet and embarassed around ppl -- heehee, I'm not really worried about tying a leash around him and claiming him as mine. :P... Even IF he's unbelievably gorgeous. He's going out with me because he wants to.) So, I was having an annoyed night (did I tell you that he ALWAYS go on the balcony when talking to someone?) and frustrated entirely with the stress in my life -- FML. I need to bring my gpa from a 4.0 to a fricking 4.5 or else I'm going to fail out of life. And all of this happened because I was taking a walk at midnight -- he was accompanying me on the phone and refused to hang up until he heard that I was in the room safety. He called me and asks me what's wrong and I start listing random things off the top of my head about how stressed I was. Strangely, I told him to fuck off and leave me alone, but he wasn't mad AT ALL. Do you know what he freakingg said?!?! "don't worry darling, all of this will be gone tomorrow and you'll realize that you still want me no matter what." My reply? "Yes, but the kettle won't boil forever will it?" "I'll make sure to add water everytime it's gone." it's basically the kettle and water love theory that I threw at him a couple of days ago at Thanksgiving. ^^. *really happy that he remembered*. Ehhh, idk whether I think he's really sweet or if he was just being corny to freak me out. And then he says, "you're the moon for me -- the brightest star in the sky." of course, I made fun of him because the moon wasn't a star... Is it? I'd be freakishly embarrassed if it was. Haha, our argument was complicated until I have him a virtual punch. Except, I ended up howling with laughter. It's weird cuz the things to talk about never run out, and of course, we end up quarreling. ^___^. And of course, he was so worried that I'd get raped because I made a midnight trip to CVS to get some sleeping pills. What inspired me the most was his last line in the conversation. "Well, that's all before I go to bed. I love you. Night, my princess. *hangs up*" Was he embarrassed? Cuz he hung up before I said good-bye. Posted via LiveJournal.app. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 27th, 2009
suicidal_d3vil	10:31p	I Fell In Love So, I admit it. I'm madly in love with JT. It's not a joke. I fell in love with a guy who I said that I would never like. But do I really like him? Or do I just feel "warm" and "cuddly" inside. He's been really sweet to me, but am I sure that he likes me? Stupid insecurities. Right now, I'm on the plane to NYC and strangely there's Internet on my mom's iPhone... But that's b/c we're not on air yet. Fine, so I DO like him. I'll suffer the consequences of the breakup later and just let myself enjoy the moment. But truthfully, how long will this relationship last? He tells me that I am the first girl he's liked in the 17 years of his existence, but does he really like me? Or is he playing with me? Truthfully, I'm afraid of junior guys. They're still not mature and i'm afraid of getting hurt. Than won't happen right? Our parents know that we're dating. They also know that he likes me. Why do I feel bad inside? Why do I feel like everything will end in heartbreak in the end? I don't understand! My heart is defying me as well. I fell in love with my boyfriend. How ironic is that?! But isn't that the way it's suppose to be? Wasn't this mutual feeling suppose to be there in the beginning? Why am I scared? Posted via LiveJournal.app. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 26th, 2009
suicidal_d3vil	4:14p	"If You Were The Turkey, I Would Chain You To Me Forever." Hmm, I have a bad habit of updating my livejournal at other people's houses . But, it's THANKSGIVING ! xD ... or overgrown plump chicken day (as my grandmother quotes). And I'm unbelievably happy -- probably the first time in a VERY long timeee . "Sketchy plump chickens and sketchy music = sketchy makout time" quoted by JT. Me --> ................... -twitch- . 0.o... wtf. I have to admit that he's a sweet guy though ... a bit serious for me . Hehehehe , @ Helen : you get what's happening ... right ? x] . I know, I know. I should use his full name , but I don't want tooo . Plus , i don't want to tell people . I woke up this morning , and I was like , AHHHHHHHHH ! IT'S 10:00 ! Of course , I rush over to Boston to Pimple's house for piano . We barely did anything ... well , HE barely did anything . I learned like two peices and he was correcting me , but seriously ... did he HAVE to dig his head into my hair ? LOLS . If JT knew, he'd kill him . x] . What's with my mom and trying to play cupid with me and freaky guys ? I DON'T GET IT ! Haha . Well , at least I'm happy . And no , I'm NOT using him Helen -- fine , I sorta am , but he's so sweet ! <3 <3 <3 . Anyways , somehow I ended up in his house and we're currently cooking dinner right now . And... he's sitting across form me , staring when I write this on wordpad . -shoos him away- . Haha , we are SO SKETCHY ! Basically , our parents just let us use the kitchen and they told us to cook dinner . We started the turkey like 3 hours ago and it's still not ready yet . *sighs* ... ahahahaha . Well , I got to his house at like 3:00 , so technically , he plopped the turkey in the kitchen first . And of course , they sketchy grinding music -- not really . It's alot of asian music and then comes the song Elevator and Cyclone . Good things his parents aren't here or they would KILL -- basically , we're home alone together . It's sorta awkward . x]... But luckily I'm a loud person , so the awkwardness dies -- besides , awkwardness is smexxiii right ? Am I falling for him ? >________________________________< . idk ... ehhh , there are some things I can say and not say on this journal . There's too many secrets that I don't want to reveal . EHHHH . <3 ... SO HAPPY~ JT'S quotes . "Did you know that turkeys evolved from peacocks?" "If you were the turkey, I would chain you to me forever." me -- WTF . SO. MANY. MORE. But... cake timee ! Well, the cake is ready . I smeared cake all over his face and took a picture ... except, he deleted it . What's this warm feeling inside ? GOSH , my face is turning bright red . Current Mood: happy Current Music: Cyclone - Baby Bash (Comment on this)