Below are the most recent 6 friends' journal entries.

Thursday, January 7th, 2010
suicidal_d3vil	9:26p	"The moment you fall in love, you're instantly thrown into hell." There's so much things to say and so little time -- the words are just compressed in a small space in my heart.  Somewhere, where my brain is deluged by an insane amount of words that there are little meaning to the words that ranted out... Maybe it's a lack of energy or rest in my brain.  After four days of hell, my immune system is finally crashing.  As my predicaments tell me. I'm not really sure what I want to say to JT when he asks me again whether I like him.  Yes? No? Maybe?  Truthfully, I don't believe in love -- Love is most definitely a curse.  I was happy! I really was, but maybe love isn't the thing for me.  Have I been lying to myself all this time? Or is this just insecurity?  I know reality isn't this perfect... I hate living fairytales.  After you start living a perfect life, you find it nearly impossible to face the true reality.  I don't want to live that kind of fake lie -- I tried it and I watched my entire world crash into a million peices in my own hands. GAH, I sound like a drama queen. Have you ever read the Confessions of a Drama Queen? Or the Clique? I'm starting to sound like Macy Block from The Clique. Am I overthinking? Actually, today my friend asked me something pretty interesting question.  She was like, "why don't you just chase after a guy rather than choose a guy you don't like?" I felt a million bricks drop of me.  Well, why? Because I rather not humiliate myself by asking a guy that I like and being rejected. Thanks, but no thanks... Isn't that a bit pointless? Okay, mabye people can disagree with me, but I find it entirely pointless.  Then again, there's no point in dating in high school when the chances of marrying with that person and having babies with him are less than 0.000001%. Why not focus on grades and college? ... GAH, ew. I'm sounding to sound like my mother which will make it gross. Oww, my vision is starting to blurr... maybe it's time I retire to sleep. :3 I'm hoping I'll go see Avatar sometimes soon. :D (Comment on this)
suicidal_d3vil	4:49p	FATTT ... *jiggle* *jiggle* GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! I MUST GET SKINNIIERRRR !  BY LIKE, 200000 pounds . At least before CHC . XD Rachelle, Moni, possibly Dino, and some other bboys will dance Eat You Up.... and I need to totally tone my body before that. DX ... My waist is like 100000 inches. D: Okay, so my mom brought me in for measures before the party and it was like... bust: 34 waist: 22 hips: 36 .... which means I'M FAT. T_____________T... basically. FUCKMYLIFEEEEEE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! I should go anorexic... or I should definitely emphasize more. I'm pretty sure my waist is like... 40 now. TT.TT. *is going to starve to death* (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
suicidal_d3vil	5:29p	Drunked Suddenly, I decide to procrastinate and write on livejournal... well, my inspirations went like POOF! Ehh, I might as well keep the things I would rather keep away from public on thissss livejournal. (:  Plus I just went through this journal and I wrote about JT alot, so let's keep it that way. Well................ I guess I have a lot of explaining to do here and there.  So basically, Helen asked me whether I actually like JT.  AND I WAS DOUBTFUL WITH MY ANSWER! DX... I was like, ">____<... I think so." Let's fast forward back on Christmas and New Years Eve... Christmas night -- I got drunk. LEGIT DRUNK.  Second time in my entire life.  I know how low my alcohol tolerance is and I still continued drinking because I wanted to beat JT's alcohol level.  He can take in like 5 cups and I was trying to aim for 5, but I got madly drunk after my second cup. I don't remember much about Christmas nightt -- strangely, his parents didn't mind, but it's a Tien family tradition so it's all gooodd.  Well, his mom told me that she got drunk the first time as well, but then her body got use to it. ANYWAYS, I got so drunk that I don't remember anything.  He said I was crying, slurring words, and laughing. My reaction? WTF. IS THAT REALLY MY DRUNKEN BEHAVIOR?! CRYING AND LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME WHILE TELLING THE TRUTH?!?!!?!?!!??!!?!? GAHHHH, so scared.  I think I told him more than I ever would in my LIFE.  Actually, I'm pretty sure that if you ask me a question when I'm drunk... I'll tell you the truthful honest answer. DX. NOOOOOO. OMG~, but his Christmas gift was REALLY SWEET. <3 ... He got me a gold heart necklace with a real diamond in the middle -- and everytime I look at it I feel bad.  But I DID get him a pretty expensive gift... it was... like 100$. And it was on like 50% sale as well. D: And then on New Years Eve... I got half-drunk... just not really. HIS DAD MAKES REALLY GOOD DRINKS. OHMYFUCK.  JT literally had to confiscate my glass of his father's famous "Sex On The Beach" vodka drink. SO GOOD. <3... it's not as bad as it sounds, but it was an interesting experience.  I couldn't stop laughing the entire time and I don't really remember what I said to him... except the fact that he kissed me. HE FREAKING KISSED ME 5 SECONDS BEFORE 2010 AND KEPT KISSING ME UNTIL 10 SECONDS AFTER THE NEW YEAR THING. *freaks out*.......................................................... AND HIS PARENTS WERE WATCHING. SO AWKWARD. >________<. His dad was like... going to throw him a party and I just felt AWKWARD.  Me ... ._____. Oh yeah, the ASHLEY thing has been disturbing the hell out of me. SHE ALMOST LOSES HER VIRGINITY TO SCOTT WHEN HER MOTHER WALKS IN ON THEM WHILE ASHLEY WAS GIVING SCOTT A BLOWJOB?! That is so messed up.  I think there's something majorly wrong with her. *feels irritated* Anyways, I'm living on TWO GODDAMN HOURS OF SLEEP AND FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE.  The bad thing? I've been getting less than 6 hours of sleep since school started... and apparently, it's going to continue that way until... Saturday. FUCKTHIS. (Comment on this)
suicidal_d3vil	4:06p	=[ Wow, it's actually been some time since I've updated livejournal.... And -frown-. I didn't finish cleaning everything yet. s3cret_love is... completely demolished. In other words, I will never check it again in my life.  This is a... somewhat depressing post.  One that I would be unable to post on tumblr because many people will be able to read it. I'm just so confused! AT EVERYTHING. TOO MUCH DRAMA GOING ON . There's this guilt part of me that's digging at my chest. And then there's the "hate" part of me. I'm pretty sure that I died somewhere in the middle trying to figure out everyone's thoughts and points of view *sighs*... I gave up on using complete good sentences that will make me sound sophisticated.  That's not a part of my personality anyways -- I feel so... MOURNFUL. DISGUSTING. LIKE A PARASITE. I'M A PARASITEEE THAT WILL EAT OUT YOUR GUTSS! MWHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. LAADAAADAAAA. RAWRRR. YUMMY HUMANSS! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHA.... Did that scare you? Haha, I'm blabbing random crap to make myself feel a bit better.  The weight of the guilt is crushing my lungs. I'm unable to breathe.  Haha, maybe I should just change my entire journa into song lyrics (and it would be pretty popular... (;. I'm an overdramaticist and I blow things out of proportion). Okay, I'M SO SORRY FOR NEGLECTING YOU, JOURNALLL~~~. I promise I'll update this thing more rather than tumblr.  It wasn't until yesterday that Megan reminded me that i had a livejournal. =.=. *sighs*.... I suddenly lost all inspiration to write, so I'll just leave this post at that... Current Mood: sad Current Music: Phobia - Breaking Benjamin (Comment on this)
Monday, January 4th, 2010
jianibear	1:30p	sketch dump? haha~ Since I've been off tablet so long, I guess I'm really very desperate for digital art, since.... I can't stop drawing on my Nintendo DS now =u=;; *hit* Still have photoshop at least, added edit~ ( imagesssss w ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
lamondeenblanc	12:17a	have you ever noticed that all my posts are titled with non sequiters? (like this one) people will praise you for your sadness, as long as you say it nicely, preferably with an acoustic guitar in the background. also, to all people (And I really mean just the one) who think its ok to ditch friends who live fifteen hours away from you and you only get to see a few times a year for you boyfreind who lives half an hour away and you get to see every week....BOOO!!!!!! Anyways, passive aggressive venting being done....I watched angels in america (the miniseries) over the past few days. I have no idea what the fuck it means, but I hope I can write something that good one day. My own writing consists of a half finished script that makes absolutely no sense because only I know the plotline, but am completely incapable of summarizing it, its written with barely a nod to chronology....and in several points I can't read my own handwriting....But its a heart wrenching story of love, finding your place in the world despite dissapointments, being self sufficient, and how everyone defines family....sortof. Maybe it would be if it made any sense... maybe I'll go work on that. seriously, I've been trying to write this for almost a year and that consists of writing maybe a page a week or so...and yet I have almost nothing. bleh.... (Comment on this)